Part 1

"Bless me father for I have sinned" ? It's been ? Um." I'm blushing.
I can't even remember ,and nor did I when I lost my weight again. I
decided to dance in a not-so-famous strip club. There's an old joke
about a woman that goes into the confessional booth and tells her
stories. To make an old joke funnier I believe I'd give those alter
boys a run for their money....

I was humiliated by being fat. People sure do get to me ,but there's
a thing in me that snaps sometimes , and it has nothing to do with a
particular person. One month I'm thin with just curves and the next
month I'm hoping not to have a body like Rosanne Barr's It's one
thing too tell a girl to lose some weight,and straighten your back.
It's another thing to do it and have her face and body when she does.
I didn't eat much and exercised for 3 months straight. I don't know
why I did it. I was mad. I also have to lean on the concept of a
labor job. I got hired as a factory worker at fed-ex. No air
conditioning in the warehouse in the month of May is very grueling.
Everyone leaves the factory soaked. Well? Not the pencil pushers.
They supply everything from bills to paperwork I don't even know
about. They certainly got air conditioning. I would ride my bike to
that job. I got to-get there. I got to get there. I hate being poor
and I want better for myself I thought. I'm addicted to a strip club
but hate too be a waitress there .I found people so poor in life in
Memphis that made me think harder then anyone I ever met. I know
girls till this day I feel are like my sisters. My older sister that
is.


A black girl who was new in the strip club whistled while I past her
by. " Whirr ?WhRrrr ?,

Yo snow !? You thinks yOu cAn git me a Coke " ?

I thought , gaaawd... Another drunk 21 year old that wants a coke
with her Hennesee ...

I nodded, " Yeaaaah. I'll be right back" !

Looking at her with a little more pride than what she'd like a white
girl to give her that stood 5 foot 8 and with an arse ,she squinted.
( laughter arouse between the room) Some brothas really tilted there
head back thinking jealousy is amongst us which I noticed a lot.
Although some girls were above that.

She's a nurse,owns her own southern restaurant ,and she has time to
work as a slow moving dancer in a fast-pace southern strip club .
Speaking right so she can escort her way too some better money even
still. The real pros in that loosened joint would dance and than date
the guy with a little affection the first date after dinner.She got
her S. U. V. You see. There's a few southern women I met like her. A
few kids.The dad is gone. She trusted in people like me and people in
general . The only difference is she was born on the other side of
the tracks and was a little more poor at one time. She had 8 brothers
and sisters instead of my three yuppie immediate siblings. And, girls
voluptuous. like her as a black older sister were just kind to me.
Girls' like her kept the fort down. Some of her sisters were
voluptuous,and some of her brothers were skinny, tall string beans.
Some of her brothers were like tha-Fridge Perry and some girls were
just sticks short, and built with a different shape. She had no
opinion about race ,color,creed,or size. I loved that dawm woman ,and
women like her felt like my sister .. Where can you get so much
beauty and brains? Red sort of glowed . She glowed and she felt like
my sister. Just like Corvette and some other women that accepted me
for being white.She,and they put me under their wing. I needed that.
They also accepted I am white ( act it) and am from a small town.
They are black girls,but they accepted me. Mmm-man I needed that !


Wha's wrong SUe-San" ? Red slide into the bar smoothly flowing just
like a lady that's smooth and proper .

I sat nodding my head ".... Can I be honest with you Red " ? I looked
up at her saddened and feeling like I was just trying to just do my
job. I'm trained too be a waitress. She knew it to. That club needed
an honest waitress .

" Wha hAppen on tha floor ? I ssssswear these gu--rls are trAsh !
What happen SUe-San " ? They be meeeean Don't they ? "


I sunk into my seat. " I have been trying to loose weight I felt and
everybody has seen it too. They get so jealous. I think I should try
and dance " ! My eyes got real serious and big. I was there for years
as their waitress.

Red's eyes were calculated, serious ,and widened. I think she wanted
to laugh a little that it even bothered me " Is tha wha you wan-na do
?
I lowered my head, " I'll show em. I'm not there bitch girl anymore"
!!!!

Red smiled a big grin! I could see a sparkle when she grinned. She
had a gold tooth or two. Her cold and calculating eyes adored me at
that time. She loved me for my ordasity and interest for even living
in the ghetto , and choosing to work there in the ghetto. With my
curiosity level who knows where ever I'll be next.Me looking back I
heard stories when I was living in California about the Blues in the
south in Memphis, Tennesee . I couldn't wait to meet the people there
and listen to some BB King live on Beale street .I went there alone
on a bus to live in that little speak-easy city. I absolutely was
addicted to that club and meeting the women there.They taught me a
lot. They speak different from me of coarse and were black mostly
with a mix here or there of a southern white belles' . But, the
lessons I learned good and bad is exactly what I needed.

She got confidently up from the bar stool with a huge grin
slow-walkin away, "IIii bet ya can.. I bal-iiieve ya could do it !
Don't let no One E-vver teeell you difff-ren " ! Nodding her head in
approval and thinking I'm just funny I let at a big grin back.She
made me feel better.She always could make me feel better.Red had a
way about her that could convince a dog to think he was a cat. It's
almost funny how some southern women can be so smooth like that.

A week went by and with my fed-ex check which wasn't doo-doo I bought
a wet leather dress and a pair of stilettos. I remembered my mom when
I strapped my delicate buckle on the side of my ankle ..

"Mom! Mom! Can I get these red heels " ? I just had to get them
.Pointed heels that were at least 4 inches that were a bright red
color.
Mom's face astonished and appalled looked at me sternly, " Not in my
lifetime Susan. I'm not getting you those heels"...

I chuckled and squeezed into my dress thinking.OOoh she'd beat me
now.. Laughing to myself I starred into the Memphian strip club
mirror looking at my womanly body .In that dress and heels I looked
like a totally different person . My breasts were protruding almost
falling out of the dress .Laced in the front of the dress and
everything else was squeezed tightly with a black wet leather
material. I was tan from riding my bike everywhere,and felt a little
tired from the heat beating down opon me. I swear I think the sun in
Memphis can literally burn a hole in you. I looked like a porn star
that got fired cause her butt and legs was about 10 to 15 pounds
overweight. I liked my body in that little black number.Not being
able to believe how great my curves were I grinned and pushed the
swinging door open making my appearance.

"Hhhhey ! It's California! Miss California come here gu-uurl. Lemme
git a good look at yooooou ".. Some little woman with big red hair
stood grinning from behind the bar.

I was blushing red, " Hiii Aaaagatha".

Agatha reached over the bar and gave me a big hug whispering,"
Whaaats yoooour stAaage nAme.YOu should nAme yer-self Cal-li i
-fooor-Nia.You look exActly that . "...

I started laughing.I love the way Agatha spoke. Thinking to myself I
was trying to think of a french whore kind of a name .I love french
whore stuff ." Iii got it! I'm gonna name myself Simone. I love that
name".

Grinning at me nodding wanting to burst out with laughter Agatha
heard her name called, " Oh! I'll beee r-I-ght bAck"..

I nodded hearing my real name called to the dj's booth, and knew what
he was going to ask. I told him my new name.